My Relationship is Better Than Yours

Hey y'all, it's your girl Flower. Your average sister from the boogie down. And I'm here to give you my 2 cents on the current and popular questions, events, and social drama that we all can't seem to avoid. 

Valentine's Day is here. For all the loners walking this Earth? I feel your pain. Most people don't even consider it to be a holiday. "Celebrate your partner all year!" they say. And with such I wholeheartedly agree, but let's be honest. We all want to be thought about on this mushy day. Flowers, a fancy date, or maybe those 14k white gold hoops you've been eyeing at Zales. Whatever it is, it's the thought that counts right?

I used to think that when I was a preteen. Growing up in the hood I was taught to never judge. Some people had it. Some people didn't. And both was okay as long as you were a good person. Those are my morals though and with today's generation being so caught up in social media, I'm not sure most people can say the same. We're all guilty of it. Scrolling for what feels like hours, completely paralyzed to the constant stimulation that our phones provide. With it's apps and free streaming services. Trust me, I get it. It only becomes a problem when something that's supposed to be digital becomes reality. Or tries to be. Meaning, there are countless expectations that are put on us the minute we log in to sites like Instagram and Facebook, especially on relationships. The lives behind the screen aren’t always what they seem.

We see blogs showing off the relationships of celebrities like it's something to strive for. It begins to shape how we believe the dynamic of our relationships should be, almost excluding the fact of their circumstances as far as access to materialistic things. Let's give an example. 

The famous couple India Royale and the rapper Lil Durk. They're one of the most glorified celebrity couples out right now. Lil Durk is often shown spoiling his woman with anything she asks for while mentioning her in his songs and posting exclusive couple photos on his media pages. They've influenced thousands, naming their relationship to be "relationship goals." It's safe to say that most of our generation wants a Durk, not realizing there's more than just bags and shoes that comes with being a rapper's girlfriend. Now this ain't no hate train, I'm not saying he doesn't love her. But we don't know what they fight about behind closed doors or how they handle themselves afterwards. What type of people they really are without the cameras and the fans. Not to mention the lack of privacy that comes with being someone or with someone of status. I mean, that type stuff takes a toll on people and who knows how they're coping. 

I did some research, asking the vague question "How do you feel about relationships these days?" to a number of friends, family, and associates. Hearing from both genders on what they think is the issue behind the toxic concept of "relationship goals." I got an abundance of answers. Some similar, a lot of them different, but most of them mentioned how no one takes their partnership seriously anymore, or in better words, realistically anymore. That most relationships now are transactional and all they want out of each other is surface level bullshit like money and sex. My friends in relationships emphasize the amount of effort, inner and outer, it takes to make one work and now a days people either don't want to get their hands dirty or have the wrong idea of what it means to be "loyal." Mainly because there is some type of trauma present that clouds the judgement of what we should and shouldn't stick around for. Healing. Another hurdle our generation is having a hard time jumping over.

My best friend, whom seems to be my favorite inspiration so far, and my close friend Sin both used the word "overrated." Going into how people these days are so dependent on relationships and romanticizing what they see on the media, not without mentioning that they were victims of doing so themselves. They spoke from experience, which brings me back to why my question was so vague. The variety in these answers as I listened to them all felt like something they've gone through. Something they've seen with their own eyes. And with everyone trying to play it cooler than the next, this stood out to me. 

I think it's important that we bring up the conversation of no one being better than the next person cause nobody is perfect. We have to remember that we're still young and finding ourselves. Constantly "rebranding" our behavior, our morals and our values. The more we grasp that idea the more we'll stop expecting so much out of others, and that's in general but in this case, romantically. In my unpopular opinion, no one is obligated to treat you right. It may sound crazy but let me land. People will be people, forget putting a gender on it. You can't change anyone, only your situation and the key to protecting your peace is moving accordingly. Moving accordingly is taking a situation for what it is and maneuvering in a way that is best for you and your state of mind. But in order to know what's best for you, you have to know yourself. In this day and age, where this generation is becoming more and more self-aware of the emotional damage done unto them and to others, building a relationship with yourself is where our focus needs to be. Everything falls into place after. Things happen though and I know connections are bound to form so my advice is to do a bit more internal digging before chasing what you see online.  

Valentine's day has always been a triggering day for me. All the times I've either been single or heartbroken around this day made it difficult to be happy for others. The more bitter I got the more I resented the day. As I get older though I'm realizing that being single on this day is perfectly fine, and I'm learning not to feel like I need a man to validate this day for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm still just a girl. But knowing that I have friends and family who sometimes love me more than I love myself makes my healing journey just that much easier.

Healing isn't a race. Shit, life ain't a race and We tend to lose ourselves in trying to one up the next person. Seeing who has more of what the next person wants or in this case, who's partner treats them better. We worry too much about how fast someone else is going in their journey that we find ourselves running straight into a pole full speed. My point? Run your own race y'all. With your lover and with yourself. Everybody's pace is different, and here's a reminder that yours is just fine. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I got a bubble bath with the second season of Sex and the City in queue waiting for me. Happy Black History Month y'all!

With Love,

Flower :)